GRATITUDE

On a scale of A – Z my worth could have rated as a non-existent alphabet without the predestined thoughts of the Alpha God. I mean what value was attached to me when Christ scanned the radar and saw a man lying in the trenches, battered by the onslaughts of a battle he should have been prepared for by simply acknowledging that God was and is God. 

When He heard me mutter with parched larynx and scarred lungs for help, he showed up even though I never even asked for His help. Seriously, who offers help when no one asks for it? My background meant nothing to Him, He wouldn’t be deterred by the faults that growing up had engraved on my thoughts, He looked way past the stupid insecurities that I had no business purchasing, and He chose to rightfully trust this mind full of lust… He chose me 

Funny thing is He didn’t just clean me up… He’s still cleaning me. Sometimes the sponge gets a bit rough as he consciously rubs off the unconscious scales that I have welded to my subconscious. Sometimes it feels like scalpels are being sunk in every facet of my personality to excavate the skeletons that I had buried with the white flags of bluffs. And when I open my “under the refinery” lips in complaints He hushes me into silence – “No whitewashed walls” He says, “we can’t just paint over these cadavers, the stinks will surface”

So I simply grumble still not aware of the load of good the refinery is doing me… I’m learning to know… Sometimes it takes dreams for me to realize that I am still on course, still undergoing the course of faith, because at other times the pressure of the wanton world blinds my naked vision. Sometimes only revelations wink at me when I browse my 66 Books manual, a rare occurrence as Facebook, twitter, DSTv, and the media have me on the regular. 

Still He continues the work, which He alone could start and only He can conclude amidst my rain of frailties. Not budging, not reneging on His promise to never leave me, nor abandon me… remaining a true homie, the ruler of the home called me, providing and being the shepherd even though I definitely don’t act like the sheep… I wonder why He still believes I can amount to the original intent that initiated my creation. 

If He still thinks I am worth it, then I am… Hmmm

For the many days that I ran back to my slime… as I still do… For the many days that I doubt that you would ever value my coarseness… For the many days that I let go of the mission in pursuit of what was in my peripheral vision… For the many days I forget the enormity of The Call… For the fact that you never ever kicked me out and shut the door… 

I just want to say Thank You Dad… You rock.

For the journey so far, Thank You